The First-time Rider
After speaking to many people about the Red Heart Ride, most people are struck by the enormity of it and typically respond with one word, "epic". While it is a big commitment, our rides are very doable. This poem was written in response to a friend who suggested he was too old, fat and lazy to participate. I would say that a Red Heart Ride is a great excuse to get into shape and change some unhealthy habits, or put into practice all the efforts you put in at the gym, in bunch rides, or any other sporting endeavour. Everyone needs a goal. This may just be the one you are looking for!
By David Bull
(Inspired by, and based on The Amateur Rider, by A.B. Patterson)
(When he thinks about joining the Rock to the Reef)
Him, riding from the Rock to the Reef! Him - lycra shirt and tight knicks the whole way,
All the gear, no idea - it's twenty to one he won’t last til the end of the first day.
They must be crazy putting a beautiful bike so bright, shiny and new
Out on the road with this lumpy bloke, how many tyre tubes will he go through?
Ride! You say he can ride? With his groaning knicks showing his form,
How can he keep on his seat, and pushing those big gears, he’ll be ‘gorn’?
He should go back to his mates and beers, not to the Territory and the starting line.
Fall! Hey, he’d fall off a chair, he’ll do himself damage, its clear he’s not in his prime.
(When he signs on to ride the Rock to the Reef)
You bet mate, the route is all sorted and we’ve got it mapped out alright,
Everything’s ready - we’ve got the info you’ll need and we’re packed up good and tight.
We’ll pick you up at the airport, your machine and your mates will be ready for off,
Then to the road, where many miles lay ahead and gallons of water to quaff.
You should sit up the front, mate, that’s the best advice for a first timer,
You’ll see bush, the road and the sky, more than a Mt Isa miner
Or the blokes down the line, sitting in a cyclists slipstream (and flatulent haze)
It won’t be easy, you may tweak this or twinge that - or even fall and pick up a graze!
(When he rides the Rock to the Reef)
He makes a strong start, all huff and puff - he’s relaxed on his seat for sure,
Trouble is he fills out his knicks, but there must be a rider at his core.
End of the first leg, coming in to The Alice - he feels a bit tight in the legs,
But he’s at the front of the pack, looking strong, (not out the back with the dregs).
Now head for Tennant Creek, mate, and then the 3 Ways - no doubt this bloke has it in ‘im,
Past Devil’s marbles and through haunted Barrow Creek, a place where the tales are grim.
None of his mates would have thought it, still looks as if he’s yet to reach his potential,
The pack working together, eating the miles as if keeping on time were essential.
Look at them go, over the Barkly, that wide, windy brown land, and bleak,
Never a sight of mountain or hill, green pasture or flooded creek.
That bike he’s on looks primed - as if still in mint condition,
Yet its his backside that looks like the hard work is coming to fruition.
He’s half his starting weight, of that there is little doubt,
And his mates back at home, sending emails, promising to make the first shout.
He rolls in to Isa, a look of determination on his face and a gleam in his clear focused eye,
He wants to carry on to Cairns, the thought pains his heart to be saying goodbye.
(His friends and family on his triumphant Return)
Well mate, you proved you could do it and never a doubt did I express,
Some said your stature might make it hard, or even halt your attempt to progress.
But I said loud and clear, to all who would hear, that my mate in the bulging knicks,
Was strong of mind, and ready to endure (so long as he gets his weet-bix!).